Say It Ain't So!

Have you ever read a book and really related to a character?  Years ago when I read Sense and Sensibility, Marianne was the first character in a book with whom I truly identified.  The Dashwoods were very much like my family; a household full of women who had fallen from a comfortable lifestyle at the loss of their father (we didn't lose our father to death~ divorce and remarriage took his influence out of our lives).  Elinor, the eldest, was endlessly good and strong.  I almost couldn't help but substitute my big sister Katie's name for her's while I read.  With as much grace and modesty as Elinor, Katie could have been Jane Austen's inspiration for the character.  The youngest sister, Margaret, was a daydreamer extraordinaire fancying herself an adventurer to the first degree even whilst bound to life in a meager cottage.  My younger sister Anna wouldn't have been caught playing with an atlas, but she almost couldn't get caught without drawing in a sketchbook or fashioning herself attire fit for a pirate, a Shakespearean ghoul, or an exotic princess warrior.

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And I was Marianne.  The hopeless romantic ever broken over too many Willoughbys.  Like the book's songbird, I moodily played Chopin pieces which began in major keys then digressed to the minor believing that this perfectly symbolized the inevitable unraveling of every love story.  And though I never wandered my county aimlessly in despair, I think I would have found strolling away my cares very refreshing.  For years I thought I was doomed to marry Alan Rickman (who portrayed Colonel Brandon in the movie); oh grief upon grief to be destined to wed Professor Snape!

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Okay, this is all very silly.  But perhaps you, too, have become wrapped up in a story because you identified with one character.  I take it as a very reassuring sign when this happens as I read the Bible.  My faith is encouraged when I know someone else has faced a similar experience and were healed, redeemed, rescued, or saved in some other fashion by God.  Plus I get a deeper understanding of who Jesus is; while living on earth, he experienced many of the same things I experience.

Ah, but what to do when the convicting power of the Holy Spirit comes on you and says, "Leah, you are like LOT!"  In Spanish I would say "que verguenza!" (or "what shame!").  You see, Lot had once lived in his uncle Abraham's household; many of us know his uncle as father Abraham.  While living in Canaan, a food shortage threatened their lives.  They sought security and well-being in Egypt even though that is not was the Lord desired.  God instructed that they move back to Canaan and reassured them that He would be their provider in need.  But while in Egypt, Abraham and Lot acquired great wealth including lots of livestock and servants.  It got to the point that their excessive belongings cramped their living situation, and the two men decided to part ways.  Abraham stayed where God appointed him to stay. Lot moved the the suburbs of a nearby town, Sodom (have you heard of it before?).

A time came when Sodom was seized by a union of powerful kingdoms from the east.  The king of Sodom was forced to pay tribute to his occupiers every year.  For 12 years this goes on until one day, the king of Sodom banded together with a few other local rulers to rebel.  They didn't pay their dues which provoked the kings from the east to subdue the insurgents by force.  The strength of this military easily overcame Sodom and the neighboring towns.  And Lot (who we discover had taken up residency in Sodom during the intervening years) was deported to the east along with his family and all his worldly possession. 

Abraham got word of what has happened to his nephew.  He gathered a small army of his own to pursue and free his family from captivity.  Despite a journey of hundreds of miles on foot and facing a powerful army, Abraham and his men defeated the kings of the east in what can only be described as a miracle.  Lot was rescued and saw the restoration of all he previously had.

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Perhaps here is where you'd expect the moral of the story.  Lot considers he ought never to have left his uncle Abraham's household, sells everything he owns, and renounces the life of literal and spiritual bondage he experienced in Sodom.  Goodness, if only it were so...

Years and years go by before we discover what has become of Lot.  Now if you've heard of Sodom and Gomorrah, you probably know what's coming.  Abraham received 3 messengers from God who imparted that the cruelty and evil of Sodom had provoked an outcry so great to God that he must respond.  Even though Abraham hadn't been told that the cities would be destroyed, he began to plead that all would be saved for the sake of a minority of good men.  He argued that if God is good and just, he wouldn't send good men to the same judgment as the wicked.  This is undoubtedly true about God; yet there was only one man in the whole of Sodom that God had deemed worthy of saving.

Two angels were dispatched to Sodom where they met Lot at the city gate.  Lot had now become an official, a leader in the city.  He was deeply enmeshed with this city.  Such a scene broke out at the angels' arrival (which you can read about here) that it became urgent to evacuate Lot and his family from Sodom before any harm befell them. At morning's first light, the angels urged Lot to take his family and run to the mountains or else they, too, could be swept away in the disaster.  Perhaps hoping against hope that God would change His mind, Lot hesitated.  He was so attached to his belongings and his way of life that he was reluctant to leave it behind.  At this, the angels took hold of Lot and his family and led them outside the city.  I imagine they were wistfully being pulled away.  I forgot to mention that Lot's two daughters had fiances who chose to stay behind; those brides-to-be were certainly dragged from Sodom.

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 As if words like "flee" and "hurry" didn't mean anything, Lot began to bargain with the angels about where they should go.  This modern man and creature of comfort insisted it'd be better for them to seek refuge in a small town nearby rather than a craggy mountain.  By grace, God granted Lot this request.

Phew, by midday this family arrived in the small town of Zoar.  At that same time burning sulfur from heaven was devouring everything and everyone in and around Sodom and Gomorrah.  Just when you think Lot's family have escaped danger and despair a second time, his wife made a fatal error.  She looked back to her home and grieved over her losses in her heart.  Rather than being grateful that she, her husband, and two daughters had been delivered from judgment and spared by God's mercy, she could only feel sorry for herself.  At this instant she was transformed into a pillar of salt.  From this moment on, it was nothing but sadness and a downward spiral for Lot and his daughters.

Merciful heavens, you say?  Would it have been easier to read it straight out of the Bible than read my book report version?  Perhaps, but I want to illustrate a valuable lesson I gleaned from Lot's example.

Shifting gears a bit~you could say that (perhaps like many girls) that I enjoy shopping.  My thrifty husband may characterize me at times as a spendthrift.  During the holidays in particular I spent hours thinking and planning what I would buy for loved ones' gifts.  Then after the holidays I wanted to capitalize on the post-Christmas sales with my gift cards and shopping money.  Literal months went by where I was either shopping the internet for gifts to buy or scouring my favorite stores for must-have items.  Shopping became my habit and with it, the consolation and excitement of having something new.

I confess to you that I am not proud of this habit and the painful strain it put on my relationship with my sweet husband.  Though I am far from having broken our bank, I have betrayed a trust about how we spend and save money.  Internally and personally, it is nearly unbearable the shame that I feel when I put so much stock in the value of things that are essentially valueless.  Sure they cost money, but it cost me time where I wish I had been developing deeper spiritual qualities that truly will last.  I literally could have spent those hours studying the Bible, singing spiritual songs and reading books to my son, writing encouraging love notes to my husband, praying thanks to God that we want for nothing, spending time with family and friends, or simply not cramming stuff in my heart-shaped need-hole.

Like Lot, I didn't trust God for my security.  I have clung to worldly wealth and comforts that aren't in and of themselves wrong, but what I felt in my heart (greed, desire, pride, impulsiveness) was definitely wrong.  His decisions didn't just affect him.  His wife was so influenced by his example that she couldn't even see the second miraculous salvation she received from God.  Is my greed or lust for shopping contagious to my husband or perhaps my son?  Do I demonstrate what it means to be a good steward when my neighbors see packages from clothes stores waiting on my doorstep?  How is my influence diminished or tarnished by allowing this sin to persist? 

And Lot's desire to live in affluence led him to be undiscerning about the sinful culture surrounding him.  He couldn't see how the sexually perverse society had corrupted the minds and standards of his daughters.  He tolerated some very grievous practices and allowed his children to believe it was acceptable behavior. When I hold on to this sin, what else do I have to accept or condone?  Am I more attached to collecting things than building character? I can only hope that my repentance and desire to change will entice my Savior to exchange my weakness for his righteousness.  I hope to nip this sin in the bud before it costs me anything close to what it cost Lot.  Please Lord never let me choose the temporary and uncertain comforts of the world over the eternal comfort of friendship with You.

Thanks for reading and letting me share.  Sometimes when I bear my thoughts in words I think it must be hard for others to relate to it.  Whether you think I'm too Bible-focused or that my struggles are seemingly so basic (Materialism?  Seriously?), I hope I haven't alienated you with my reflections as I sort out this business of the heart.  It is humbling to know that even though I am growing in my faith, I'm susceptible to sin which I naively believed I was above.  Thank you God for repentance, grace, and renewal!


Moody broody Chopin (Prelude Op. 28, No. 15) ~ one of my favorites to play back in my Marianne days