I was just 18 years old, fighting for my country in the Iran-Iraq war, when a bomb exploded a few feet from my head. I was so badly traumatized that for 24 years I had to take 720 pills a month. If I didn't take my medication on time, I would cause problems for myself and those around me, without realizing what I was doing. I never had peace and I was a chain smoker. I went to specialists for treatment, and they all agreed that I had no choice but to take the pills for the rest of my life. I sent my files to doctors abroad, but got the same verdict.
I tried doing all the duties and practices I could think of to appeal to God. I traveled thousands of kilometers to pray and give offerings in order to receive healing. But nothing changed.
One day a Christian invited me to his house church. When I went there, I saw that they worshiped God and asked for their needs in a very simple language, like a child who is asking something from his father. They were worshiping God in Persian, not Arabic, and I liked it.
I heard a voice inside me saying: 'Trust me and go forward and you will receive healing.' I was shocked and resisted. But I finally gave in.
The pastor prayed for me, and I began to weep. I never cried, but that day I wept until the carpet was wet. Then I heard the voice again saying: 'You are healed.'
I went home with joy. My wife brought my medications for me to take, but I refused. I have been completely healthy since.*
~~~~~
A large crowd followed and pressed around [Jesus]. And a woman was there who had been subject to bleeding for twelve years. She had suffered a great deal under the care of many doctors and had spent all she had, yet instead of getting better she grew worse. When she heard about Jesus, she came up behind him in the crowd and touched his cloak, because she thought, " If I just touch his clothes, I will be healed." Immediately her bleeding stopped and she felt in her body that she was freed from her suffering.
At once Jesus realized that power had gone out from him. He turned around in the crowd and asked, "Who touched my clothes?"
"You see the people crowding against you," his disciples answered, " and yet you can ask, 'Who touched me?'"
But Jesus kept looking around to see who had done it. Then the woman, knowing what had happened to her, came and fell at his feet and, trembling with fear, told him the whole truth. He said to her, "Daughter, your faith as healed you. Go in peace and be freed from you suffering."**
~~~~~
In both of these stories there are two helpless individuals. Their health problems cost them a great deal. They did what any of us would naturally do: first, they exhausted all medical options, and second, they both believed incorrectly that doing something religious would heal them. The man tried to exchange prayers and offerings for good health. The woman believed almost superstitiously that touching a holy man's garment would restore her health. How often to I try to bargain with God when I am desperate? What objects have I wrongly placed holy value on?
In both stories, Jesus responds to their physical needs through healing and their spiritual needs by leading them into true faith. Both fall before the Lord and pour out their hearts. Jesus embraces them as his own children. The man followed the example of the believers and prayed like a child talking to his Father. The woman is called "daughter" by Jesus. Then Jesus sends them in peace, and they are both freed from their suffering.
What glorious examples of what Christ does for all of us when we simply come to him. These two both had lost hope in what the world (of medicine) had to offer, and they both had to acknowledge that their healing came through believing in Jesus and not some object or action. This is the beginning of true faith.
In Christ Jesus you are all children of God through faith.
{galations 3:26}
*Iran: Christian news and insight from Elam Ministries, Issue 5, Spring 2012 (Article: Desperate Situations... Supernatural Answers)
This is my desk. Most days I see just what you see~ a big mess. But as I approached it today, God revealed to me that this is where my kingdom work happens. So many days I feel so small. I think I have little influence because my primary occupation is taking care of my home and raising my son. While I know these things are worthy and high callings, I often believe that the prominent Christians like Billy Graham or Beth Moore are achieving greater glory for the kingdom of God. But God is good to remind me that he has entrusted big things to me as well.
On the wall is my prayer board. It reminds me to pray for the ministries we support, for the needs and requests of friends and family, and for my own spiritual growth. Then on my pushpin board there is a photo (not pictured) of a man in prison in Iran for being a Christian. One way God has led me to serve is to write letters to him because the Iranian government is more likely to free a Christian from prison the more letters they receive; it means they are not forgotten and others know that he is incarcerated unjustly. Next to his photo is the beautiful blue print saying "He is Risen". This is my motivation to act on my faith. Jesus Christ conquered death and lives; let me follow him in all ways.
My desk is covered in reading materials: a prayer guide from Samaritan's Purse, a Tim Keller Bible study on Mark, my robot journal for recording my thanks to God, a book containing my pastor's testimony, and a quarterly publication on the state of Christian persecution in Iran. By my pencils are my flash cards and laminated chart to help me remember themes of each book of the Bible. It may seem like I just have collected a lot of things, but each day I get to study God's word, learn from other believers, and participate in the work God is doing through prayer.
Of course there is no overlooking my computer. How can I thank God enough that I have a place here on this blog and other websites to express my faith? How fortunate am I to live in an age where a stay-at-home mom has a platform to share the message of the gospel from the desk in her home in the suburbs? What fullness of joy I feel when I see my corner of the kingdom with the eyes of God. Nothing and no one is ever so small in Christ~ not even my messy little desk of unsorted kingdom work. Praise the Lord!
Have you ever met anyone who is in love with love? The thrill of budding romance, the joy of sharing a part of you never spoken before, the wonder as hearts knit themselves together; it could make one a little short of breath recalling the sensation. Perhaps one special person came to mind or maybe there are a few special someones you've loved. Love always should feel special, but maybe it loses its value when it's too freely given or too frequently given.
There once was a woman who lived in an arid country in a town between a mountain and a river. Her home was ancient but alive; she was sustained by the water of a well dug by her ancestors 2000 years before her birth.
In her youth she was betrothed. Blissful courtship blossomed into devoted matrimony. The two became one; the woman became a wife. There was; however, no happily ever after-- though the woman had married, her life was no fairy tale. The woman's vows did not endure through life. We know not how her first love departed. Whether by death or divorce, her first love reached an untimely end. On four more occasions she became the bride of four different men. Perhaps she dreamed that each would satisfy her deepest heart's desire. And on four more occasions the bloom of romance withered to dust. She was now alone.
Until one day, a sixth man came into her life. Maybe she loved him or maybe she simply did not want to be alone. He may have given her comfort. He did not; however, give her a ring. The two lived together, and though she was happy again, she was ashamed. In her youth when the coolness of evening came, she would go to well of her ancestors with the women of the town to fill her water jar. They would talk about their lives. On some occasions they may have sung songs together. But her strong ties to her community spoiled with each failed marriage. She became a pariah as her reputation became more blighted. The woman now made the daily trek to the well at the hottest time of day when it was too unpleasant for anyone to fetch water. This way she could ensure she'd be left to herself. This way she could make it through another day.
The woman came across a weary foreigner on one of her trips to the well. She must have felt relief knowing that he would not speak to her; it was clear by his appearance that he was Jewish, and truly Jewish people would have nothing to do with her people. Just as she began to draw water, this man asked her for a drink. How odd-- surely he knew this was not the custom. And she said just that, "How can you ask me for a drink?" The man replied, "If you knew the gift of God and who it is that asks you for a drink, you would have asked him and he would have given you living water." She was bewildered. Maybe she thought to herself, "First he asks for a drink of water. Then he says if I had only known who he was, I would have asked him to give me water? This makes no sense!"
As she formed her response, she remembered where they were. That ancient well that had given life to her people for generations-- and here was an empty-handed traveler who offered living water. She said, "Sir, you have nothing to draw with and the well is deep. Where can you get this living water? Are you greater than our father Jacob, who gave us the well and drank from it himself, as did also his sons and his flocks and herds?" He answered, "Everyone who drinks this water will be thirsty again, but whoever drinks the water I give him will never thirst. Indeed, the water I give him will become in him a spring of water welling up to eternal life." She must have felt like he did not answer her questions, but it didn't seem to matter. At the prospect of no longer needing to come habitually to the well, she responds, "Sir, give me this water so that I won't get thirsty and have to keep coming here to draw water." Maybe this water was the solution to her problems-- to live eternally and never see death, to be rid of this errand that exposes her to the scrutiny and judgment of her people, to never thirst.
As confusing as the man had been so far, he now confounded her with a command to go and call her husband and then come back. Instinctively the woman said, "I have no husband." There may still have been a chance to receive the living water without fulfilling the stranger's request to meet her husband. Then the man astonished her, saying, "You are right when you say you have no husband. The fact is, you have had five husbands, and the man you now have is not your husband. What you have just said it quite true." How could he have possibly known these things? The woman was exposed. And how bizarre to hear him call her truthful more than once while plainly discussing her sexual immorality.
Rather than dwelling on who she was, the woman forged ahead using what she knew about the traveler. "Sir, I can see that you are a prophet. Our fathers worshiped on [Mount Gerizim], but you Jews claim that the place where we must worship is in Jerusalem." When things became too personal, she diverted to a theological debate. This man was not thrown off by the change of subject, but declared, "Believe me, woman, a time is coming when you will worship the Father neither on this mountain nor in Jerusalem. [Your people] worship what you do not know; we worship what we do know, for salvation is from the Jews. Yet a time is coming and has now come when the true worshipers will worship the Father in spirit and truth, for they are the kind of worshipers the Father seeks. God is spirit, and his worshipers must worship in spirit and in truth." Finally something the man said sounded reasonable; she had learned that a time would come when the worship of God would extend beyond Jerusalem. She had learned that the Jews were waiting for a Savior, a Messiah to save God's people. Yet this teaching was still mysterious and hard to understand. The woman said, " I know that [God's Anointed One] is coming. When he comes, he will explain everything to us.
"I AM he who speaks to you."
This is the moment the woman gave herself to a seventh and final man. He is the Savior who can offer her what she has always sought and never received-- love that satisfies completely.
This is the moment where she surrenders all her preoccupations (literally); she departs so abruptly from him that she leaves her water jug behind. This ordinary day started with a routine trip to draw water, and now the woman has a mission to draw people. And as the water of the well had given life to generations of thirsty people, this man will offer life eternal for parched souls. Without any reservation, the woman entered the town and said, "Come! See a man who told me everything I ever did. Could this be the Christ?" Those who heard this news came out of the town to see the man. Because of his words many became believers, saying to the woman, "We no longer believe just because of what you said: now we have heard for ourselves, and we know the this man really is the Savior of the world."
In Part 1, you may recall a similar story. A lonely and forsaken Gentile woman encounters a man while away from home. First they talk together. Then the stranger reveals how deeply he knows the woman. He shares with her the promise of a future full of life-- for Hagar, a baby and many generations, for the woman at the well, eternal life. Then he reveals who he is. Both of the women's encounters with Christ result in their lives turning around-- spiritually and literally. They both turn back to the place where they are scorned and bear a message directly from God to which they faithfully testify. And both times, the man's promise comes to fruition. As the truth of the promises unfold in the women's lives, their faith in the God of the man they encountered must have deepened.
There is one key distinction I'd like to point out between these stories. Hagar's encounter underscores the character of God who sees and hears his children while the woman at the well highlights how we respond to a God who knows us through and through. It is good for us to know that God sees and hears us in every moment. The story of the woman at the well demands that we, too, must see and hear Christ. She testified that seeing and hearing Jesus had finally satisfied the thirst she felt within. The invitation that the Samaritan woman extended to her town was like their well of water; for 2000 years it had been available to give life if only people would come and draw deeply from the water it held. Her invitation to see and hear the Christ has also stood for 2000 since she first spoke those words to all who desire to freely drink in the living water Jesus alone can give.
Have you seen Christ? Or are you avoiding his call? Would it help to know he sees you?
Have you heard Christ? He comes to us with the same offer of living water. But just as he sought out that one woman at the well, he speaks to you personally knowing exactly where you've come from and what it'll take for you to believe in him.
I urge you, friend, to accept this invitation. Come! See and hear! Draw near to God, and he will draw near to you {James 4:8, ESV}
Today I am reflecting on the color of sin. As Good Friday approaches, it's good the think about what Jesus's death accomplished. What stands out to me is that his crimson blood is what purifies us when we repent. How dark, dirty, and stained we must appear to our holy God before we are cleansed in the blood of the Lamb. Have you ever thought about how Jesus's blood makes you whiter than snow? What a precious truth!
The blood of goats and bulls and the ashes of a heifer sprinkled on those who are ceremonially unclean sanctify them so that they are outwardly clean. How much more, then, will the blood of Christ, who through the eternal Spirit offered himself unblemished to God, cleanse our consciences from acts that lead to death, so that we may serve the living God!
{hebrews nine: thirteen & fourteen}
Do you know the story of Cinderella? It is one of the most beloved fairy tales; a young girl loses her mother and then her father. She is left to be raised by her cruel step-mother and to defend herself from her jealous and wicked step-sisters. They treat her like a slave in her own home. She is downtrodden and hopeless until one day by the grace of her fairy godmother, Cinderella is able to meet the prince of her kingdom. He loves her at first sight and pursues her relentlessly until he finds her in her sad and lowly state- a despised and unworthy servant girl. Instead of seeing what is apparent to all-- that she merits nothing in the worldly esteem-- he brings her into glorious restoration and makes her a princess. Rather than repaying evil for evil, Cinderella forgives her step-mother and step-sisters and shows them kindness. Her joy is made complete because she is loved and rescued by her prince. It is the ultimate redemption story.
My little sister's hip depiction of Cinderella [source]
Why does this story resonate so deeply with so many people? There is an everlasting truth held in this children's tale. In the Bible I was struck with two similar stories (and don't go assuming I'm about to talk about Ruth... twists & turns, people!)
The first is found in Genesis 16*. A young Egyptian servant named Hagar lives with her mistress Sarai and her wealthy husband Abram in the land of Canaan. Sarai has no children because she is barren. She begins to plot how she can build a family by looking to Hagar to be a type of surrogate; Hagar is called upon to bear children with Abram in Sarai's place. Hagar becomes pregnant, but rather than pleasing her mistress, this torments the childless woman. Sarai begins to abuse and mistreat her servant. When her despair overwhelms her, Hagar flees into the dangerous open country back to Egypt. She has no protection, no husband, no nothing. There is no place to go but down when something extraordinary happens. The angel of the Lord finds pregnant Hagar lost and alone by a well on the road to nowhere.
Now you will just have to take my word on this, but many scholars agree that "the angel of the Lord" in the Old Testament is Jesus Christ of the New Testament. They use the term pre-incarnate to describe Jesus' appearances before he was born in the flesh. I did a quick search on BibleGateway.com which returned 50 mentions of "the angel of the Lord" in the OT [link]**. There are no references to the angel of the Lord in the NT, which perhaps provides further evidence that he and Jesus are the same person.
If the angel of the Lord is truly Jesus, this encounter he has with Hagar is truly remarkable. He calls her by name and title-- Hagar, servant of Sarai. Then he asks where she has come from & where she is going. He is not asking because he does not know; he has already revealed that he knows her even though she does not know him. In fact, the reason the angel has come to her is because he knows exactly where she's headed and it's not good. Hagar responds saying she is running away from Sarai. Surprisingly, the angel of the Lord tells her to go back and to submit to her mistress (I couldn't help but think of these passages in the NT: Ephesians 6:5-9 & Colossians 3:22-4:1). It was an unexpected command because the women's relationship was so badly damaged.
The angel of the Lord then reveals things that were unknown to Hagar. He promises her innumerable children; a privileged assurance that God gave to Abram previously was now extended to his foreign servant. The angel also shares with her that she will have a son who is to be called Ishmael- meaning "God hears". Though your first impression of the angel may have been that he was harsh with her, he demonstrates how tenderly he cares for her. The promise of a multitude of descendents showed the world that you were blessed by God. By giving her son the name Ishmael, God was telling Hagar that he had been with her and knew her troubles. It also is an encouragement that when she returns to her master's household, she goes knowing that the Lord is near to her.
Hagar's response is beautiful. She says, "You are the God who sees me... I have now seen the One who sees me." This lonely woman now confesses that she has never been truly alone and she has seen the proof of it with her own eyes. She does just as the angel of the Lord says to do and returns to Sarai. Though this passage is not exhaustive, we can infer that Hagar was accepted back into the household. There is no more mention of discord between Sarai and Hagar about envy or jealousy. Hagar also must have told about her encounter with the angel in the desert. Abram, having accepted Hagar's testimony, named his son Ishmael just as the angel instructed. Every time Hagar said her son's name, she would remember God who came to her at her lowest and most helpless state and led her home with peace and hope.
Since I have become long winded (or however one is supposed to say that about typing), I'll save my parallel story for another day. This may not be so "fairy tale" to you, but you've got to get out of the fantasy mindset. I had not mentioned before, but this is the very first mention of the angel of the Lord in the Bible. Presupposing the angel is Jesus, the first mention of him should smack you in the face with surprise. He did not come to a descendant of Noah's son Shem (who was Abraham's ancestor), or a powerful person, or a wealthy person, or even a man. Christ first reveals himself to an unwed pregnant slave from Egypt. He tenderly calls her by name and talks to her. At this point Hagar appears as though she'd rather die than endure one more day of Sarai's cruelty. Jesus tells her he's seen what has happened to her and heard how she's suffered, but the answer isn't running away from her problems. How often do I try to escape from my problems wrongly thinking the Lord isn't actively watching over me or hearing my prayers?
Jesus tells Hagar that she must submit to Sarai. The implication is that she hadn't really submitted before. I'm not suggesting that she didn't do as she was told, but Jesus desired for her effort to be sincere. It was clear Hagar had become bitter, and her poor judgment had put her life and her baby's life in danger. God doesn't want us to overlook the blessings in our lives when we go through hardship, and that seems like the message Jesus wanted Hagar to see. Jesus then added to her blessings; before she knew she was having a baby, then she learned it would be a boy and they would increase infinitely in number. I think for those ancient people this would have been equivalent to achieving the "American dream". It was more than a maidservant living in a foreign land could have imagined for her future.
I wanted to tell y'all about this because it blew me away. I had read this passage in Genesis a handful of occasions and easily overlooked its significance. After I became a Christian but before I had studied the Bible much, I had a preconceived notion that the Old Testament was all about God showing his favor only to Jewish men. To me, a non-Jewish girl from a not so prominent family, Hagar's story illustrates that from the beginning Jesus has been loving towards all kinds of people. He found me at my lowest place and enabled me to face the people and circumstances that overwhelmed me. He gave me hope for a future. I couldn't help but feel like Hagar's story was a bit like of my own. And just like Hagar, I can't help but talk about how good and loving Jesus is. How reassuring to know that my Savior was the same then as he is now and ever will be.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
* (Here's a link to the passage in case you wanted to read it for yourself!) **(It should be noted I searched NIV. Also, the one result from Matthew isn't referring to the angel of the Lord. In the context of the passage, Matthew writes "an angel of the Lord" appeared to Joseph in verse 1:20. When Matthew writes "the angel" later in the passage, he is simple referring back to the one he had previously mentioned).
Last night I was perusing my closet for what to wear on Valentine's day. I wanted to be festive and love any occasion to be super girly, but my weariness at the end of the day led me to a simpler outfit. White jeans and black shirt~ seems more appropriate for Ash Wednesday so maybe that's where I got the idea. I found a beautiful pink scarf that was a hand-me-down from Kyle's grandmother (we call her "Nanny") and was delighted when I saw the color perfectly matched a new bracelet. This bracelet was a gift from my friend Libby for hosting a baby shower for her earlier this year.
Well, you may call it a coincidence or perhaps divine, but my husband woke me up this morning with news about both Nanny and Libby. Both have been taken to the hospital. Nanny is not doing very well and has low blood pressure. Libby is in labor and anticipating the arrival of her baby girl. My husband and I sat and prayed for them before my day got started. We prayed for comfort and hope of restoration for Nanny while we prayed for joy and courage as our friends become parents and experience a miraculous blessing.
Thursdays for Bennett and me always start with BSF (Bible Study Fellowship). If you are familiar with BSF, you know that each week you hear a lecture on the passage of scripture you are studying. Well, I was having a hard time focusing today because my mind kept returning to these prayers of intercession for Nanny and Libby. I looked down to pray (and as many of you can anticipate where this is going) realized that the brightest parts of my ensemble were reminders of these two ladies. Perhaps Valentine's day made me take special notice of Nanny's pink scarf which I had never before worn. Who knows? I just was comforted in my heart that God, who guides me in every way, perhaps led me to select these articles last night before I knew they needed prayer for their special circumstances. He knows all things and is sovereign over all things so I can be glad to trust these two (or should I say 3?) precious ladies to his tender and caring hands.
I read a letter recently about a minister trying to share the gospel with a young woman. She confessed that she wanted to believe in Jesus but hadn't witnessed Christians really "living for him". It's been said that Christians read the Bible, but non-Christians read believers. This subject has weighed on my heart for a few weeks now. There are two sides to it I want to see clearly. One is the certainty that Christians do fail. The other is that reluctance a non-believer has in starting a relationship with Christ. When these two components are combined it's like magnets forcing each other apart.
It is certain that I have failed to exemplify Christ in my life. Only recently has God made it apparent to me how susceptible I am to traps of wrong thinking. For instance, I once had a roommate who drove me crazy with how messy and carefree she was. The more aggravated I became at my living situation, the more I began to attribute terrible motives to my unsuspecting friend. This debacle poisoned my heart; I felt so victimized that my focus was entirely on me. How could I possible reflect the Savior's love to others as I harbored and even nurtured feelings of disdain, arrogance, and dissension in my heart? I am ashamed to admit that this distorted view stayed with me for the better part of two years while I was actively involved in ministry. How much did I hinder my spiritual growth and the expansion of God's kingdom in that time?
{Big Saps 2006-2007}
{CCF Interns 2007-2008}
{CCF Interns 2007-2008}
{Branch Barks 2007-2008}
In the book of Romans, Paul deals with this same problem. At the time he was talking about the Jews, but this concept applies to Christians today: "God's name is blasphemed among the [unbelievers] because of you." {Romans 2:24}. God is mischaracterized by his followers who muddle the message through unguarded words, wrong behavior, and spiritual dormancy. It's like a bad game of "telephone" where God starts the conversation stating "I love YOU!" and by the time I get my turn to tell you what God has said, it's something vulgar and imperfect and perhaps impossible to be taken seriously. This is my fault, not God's. Paul's response to this problem is quite cogent:
What if some were unfaithful? Will their unfaithfulness nullify God’s faithfulness? Not at all! Let God be true, and every human being a liar. {Romans 3:3-4}
Oh, that my bad example wouldn't nullify in anyone's mind how good God is. Is there a way for Christians to explain this well? I feel the pinch of two things at work in me. First, that I am very unqualified to represent Christ to anyone. Second, that as His follower, I am called and even compelled to tell people about him. I feel like I have the credibility of Pauly Shore trying to give away a Ferrari: a stupid messenger proclaiming an unimaginable reward.
Alas, my incompetence ought not lead me to throw in the towel. The Bible tells us that Abraham traded his wife TWICE with other men to try and save his own skin. Yet he is called righteous and a friend of God. David was a polygamist murderer who was said to have a heart after God. Unworthy people are justified in God's sight because they surrender their misguided plans for their lives to God. George Morrison says that, " the victorious Christian life is a series of new beginnings." These new beginnings are marked by a surrender to God. It's when I offer myself~ my mind, my time, my money, my feelings, etc to God for him to shape and use for His holy purposes. Paul says its like being a "living sacrifice" in Romans 12, but the odd thing about this surrender is that it yields renewal of my spirit (or soul, as you might say).
What could motivate me to live as a sacrifice? I remember God's mercy. His sacrifice for me was great. He chose for me to live while his only Son died. Given the choice between you, dear reader, and my only son, I choose my baby every time. This is how I know God's love for me has no limits. And to quote Paul immoderately, " I believed; therefore I have spoken" {2 Corinthians 4:13}. If I believe it's true (which I do), I must talk (or in this case, write) about it.
Me choosing B
Now for an unbeliever~ I'm not sure what holds you back. When I didn't believe in Jesus, it was a choice. I wasn't opposed to Christianity as some are. I was rather open to its teachings. I just didn't like the thought of all that would have to change. Deep down I thought God didn't make me in a way that I could be moral or even like living in a moral way. Where was the fun in living like a prude? At some point, I decided living the "fun" way was pretty painful. There were a lot of consequences to my kind of fun~ most of which left me very unhappy. I thought I'd get my act together and then perhaps present myself to God to see if the Christian life was worth my while. In spite of some pretty good effort, I still couldn't keep myself out of trouble. I had failed. At this time, I basically said, "God, if you are really interested in me, you are going to have to make me better than I am all on your own. You are going to have to show me how to live your way with megaphones and billboards because it's the least natural thing for me in the world to be like you." You could say that that was a sorry introduction I made to the Creator of the universe; there was no incentive for him to take me into his family. That prayer I made was pitiful, but as crazy as it is, that is all God needed. God drew me to Him and taught me about real love and real life. My terrible proposal was the beginning of a beautiful relationship~ as close as one could be to the most beloved family member.
If you have reservations about God, try telling him. Sure, it'll feel ridiculous, but God sincerely desires to hear from you. Don't be like I was and say to God, "Why did you make me like this?" {Romans 9:20} Instead ask for God to make Himself known to you. This is what Jesus prayed:
“Righteous Father, though the world does not know you, I know you, and they know that you have sent me. I have made you known to them, and will continue to make you known in order that the love you have for me may be in them and that I myself may be in them.” {John 17:25-26}
Please don't let anything or anyone come between you and the fulfillment of Jesus' prayer for you.
Have you ever read a book and really related to a character? Years ago when I read Sense and Sensibility, Marianne was the first character in a book with whom I truly identified. The Dashwoods were very much like my family; a household full of women who had fallen from a comfortable lifestyle at the loss of their father (we didn't lose our father to death~ divorce and remarriage took his influence out of our lives). Elinor, the eldest, was endlessly good and strong. I almost couldn't help but substitute my big sister Katie's name for her's while I read. With as much grace and modesty as Elinor, Katie could have been Jane Austen's inspiration for the character. The youngest sister, Margaret, was a daydreamer extraordinaire fancying herself an adventurer to the first degree even whilst bound to life in a meager cottage. My younger sister Anna wouldn't have been caught playing with an atlas, but she almost couldn't get caught without drawing in a sketchbook or fashioning herself attire fit for a pirate, a Shakespearean ghoul, or an exotic princess warrior.
And I was Marianne. The hopeless romantic ever broken over too many Willoughbys. Like the book's songbird, I moodily played Chopin pieces which began in major keys then digressed to the minor believing that this perfectly symbolized the inevitable unraveling of every love story. And though I never wandered my county aimlessly in despair, I think I would have found strolling away my cares very refreshing. For years I thought I was doomed to marry Alan Rickman (who portrayed Colonel Brandon in the movie); oh grief upon grief to be destined to wed Professor Snape!
Okay, this is all very silly. But perhaps you, too, have become wrapped up in a story because you identified with one character. I take it as a very reassuring sign when this happens as I read the Bible. My faith is encouraged when I know someone else has faced a similar experience and were healed, redeemed, rescued, or saved in some other fashion by God. Plus I get a deeper understanding of who Jesus is; while living on earth, he experienced many of the same things I experience.
Ah, but what to do when the convicting power of the Holy Spirit comes on you and says, "Leah, you are like LOT!" In Spanish I would say "que verguenza!" (or "what shame!"). You see, Lot had once lived in his uncle Abraham's household; many of us know his uncle as father Abraham. While living in Canaan, a food shortage threatened their lives. They sought security and well-being in Egypt even though that is not was the Lord desired. God instructed that they move back to Canaan and reassured them that He would be their provider in need. But while in Egypt, Abraham and Lot acquired great wealth including lots of livestock and servants. It got to the point that their excessive belongings cramped their living situation, and the two men decided to part ways. Abraham stayed where God appointed him to stay. Lot moved the the suburbs of a nearby town, Sodom (have you heard of it before?).
A time came when Sodom was seized by a union of powerful kingdoms from the east. The king of Sodom was forced to pay tribute to his occupiers every year. For 12 years this goes on until one day, the king of Sodom banded together with a few other local rulers to rebel. They didn't pay their dues which provoked the kings from the east to subdue the insurgents by force. The strength of this military easily overcame Sodom and the neighboring towns. And Lot (who we discover had taken up residency in Sodom during the intervening years) was deported to the east along with his family and all his worldly possession.
Abraham got word of what has happened to his nephew. He gathered a small army of his own to pursue and free his family from captivity. Despite a journey of hundreds of miles on foot and facing a powerful army, Abraham and his men defeated the kings of the east in what can only be described as a miracle. Lot was rescued and saw the restoration of all he previously had.
Perhaps here is where you'd expect the moral of the story. Lot considers he ought never to have left his uncle Abraham's household, sells everything he owns, and renounces the life of literal and spiritual bondage he experienced in Sodom. Goodness, if only it were so...
Years and years go by before we discover what has become of Lot. Now if you've heard of Sodom and Gomorrah, you probably know what's coming. Abraham received 3 messengers from God who imparted that the cruelty and evil of Sodom had provoked an outcry so great to God that he must respond. Even though Abraham hadn't been told that the cities would be destroyed, he began to plead that all would be saved for the sake of a minority of good men. He argued that if God is good and just, he wouldn't send good men to the same judgment as the wicked. This is undoubtedly true about God; yet there was only one man in the whole of Sodom that God had deemed worthy of saving.
Two angels were dispatched to Sodom where they met Lot at the city gate. Lot had now become an official, a leader in the city. He was deeply enmeshed with this city. Such a scene broke out at the angels' arrival (which you can read about here) that it became urgent to evacuate Lot and his family from Sodom before any harm befell them. At morning's first light, the angels urged Lot to take his family and run to the mountains or else they, too, could be swept away in the disaster. Perhaps hoping against hope that God would change His mind, Lot hesitated. He was so attached to his belongings and his way of life that he was reluctant to leave it behind. At this, the angels took hold of Lot and his family and led them outside the city. I imagine they were wistfully being pulled away. I forgot to mention that Lot's two daughters had fiances who chose to stay behind; those brides-to-be were certainly dragged from Sodom.
As if words like "flee" and "hurry" didn't mean anything, Lot began to bargain with the angels about where they should go. This modern man and creature of comfort insisted it'd be better for them to seek refuge in a small town nearby rather than a craggy mountain. By grace, God granted Lot this request.
Phew, by midday this family arrived in the small town of Zoar. At that same time burning sulfur from heaven was devouring everything and everyone in and around Sodom and Gomorrah. Just when you think Lot's family have escaped danger and despair a second time, his wife made a fatal error. She looked back to her home and grieved over her losses in her heart. Rather than being grateful that she, her husband, and two daughters had been delivered from judgment and spared by God's mercy, she could only feel sorry for herself. At this instant she was transformed into a pillar of salt. From this moment on, it was nothing but sadness and a downward spiral for Lot and his daughters.
Merciful heavens, you say? Would it have been easier to read it straight out of the Bible than read my book report version? Perhaps, but I want to illustrate a valuable lesson I gleaned from Lot's example.
Shifting gears a bit~you could say that (perhaps like many girls) that I enjoy shopping. My thrifty husband may characterize me at times as a spendthrift. During the holidays in particular I spent hours thinking and planning what I would buy for loved ones' gifts. Then after the holidays I wanted to capitalize on the post-Christmas sales with my gift cards and shopping money. Literal months went by where I was either shopping the internet for gifts to buy or scouring my favorite stores for must-have items. Shopping became my habit and with it, the consolation and excitement of having something new.
I confess to you that I am not proud of this habit and the painful strain it put on my relationship with my sweet husband. Though I am far from having broken our bank, I have betrayed a trust about how we spend and save money. Internally and personally, it is nearly unbearable the shame that I feel when I put so much stock in the value of things that are essentially valueless. Sure they cost money, but it cost me time where I wish I had been developing deeper spiritual qualities that truly will last. I literally could have spent those hours studying the Bible, singing spiritual songs and reading books to my son, writing encouraging love notes to my husband, praying thanks to God that we want for nothing, spending time with family and friends, or simply not cramming stuff in my heart-shaped need-hole.
Like Lot, I didn't trust God for my security. I have clung to worldly wealth and comforts that aren't in and of themselves wrong, but what I felt in my heart (greed, desire, pride, impulsiveness) was definitely wrong. His decisions didn't just affect him. His wife was so influenced by his example that she couldn't even see the second miraculous salvation she received from God. Is my greed or lust for shopping contagious to my husband or perhaps my son? Do I demonstrate what it means to be a good steward when my neighbors see packages from clothes stores waiting on my doorstep? How is my influence diminished or tarnished by allowing this sin to persist?
And Lot's desire to live in affluence led him to be undiscerning about the sinful culture surrounding him. He couldn't see how the sexually perverse society had corrupted the minds and standards of his daughters. He tolerated some very grievous practices and allowed his children to believe it was acceptable behavior. When I hold on to this sin, what else do I have to accept or condone? Am I more attached to collecting things than building character? I can only hope that my repentance and desire to change will entice my Savior to exchange my weakness for his righteousness. I hope to nip this sin in the bud before it costs me anything close to what it cost Lot. Please Lord never let me choose the temporary and uncertain comforts of the world over the eternal comfort of friendship with You.
Thanks for reading and letting me share. Sometimes when I bear my thoughts in words I think it must be hard for others to relate to it. Whether you think I'm too Bible-focused or that my struggles are seemingly so basic (Materialism? Seriously?), I hope I haven't alienated you with my reflections as I sort out this business of the heart. It is humbling to know that even though I am growing in my faith, I'm susceptible to sin which I naively believed I was above. Thank you God for repentance, grace, and renewal!
Moody broody Chopin (Prelude Op. 28, No. 15) ~ one of my favorites to play back in my Marianne days
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