Whale of a Tale

I'm a in Bible study class where we read a book of the Bible a week.  We're half way through a study on the minor prophets and focused on Jonah this past class.  Jonah by far is the most recognizable among the minor prophets~ whether you grew up in church or not, you're likely familiar with the tale of the man who survived three days in the belly of a great fish.  His story is one of the shortest books in the Bible.  In my childhood, my choir performed a whole play about Jonah.  Every now and again when I'm wishing I could remember something pressing like if I locked the front door when I left the house or the PIN number for my library card, I wonder why words of the songs of my youth stick with me so easily...

Jonah, Jonah, Jonah,

The LORD wants you to go

To a land of shame and woe

To Nineveh in Assyria

And let those people know

How to walk in the way of the LORD.

(Source)

My enthusiasm for old Jonah has grown since I was a kid.  When you've heard a story so many times sometimes you think you've learned everything you're ever going to learn.  Fortunately for me, Jonah was redeemed from my poor Sunday school education that would have him permanently reduced to fish bait.  In my limited understanding of the Bible, Moses' greatest life event was hearing a burning bush talk; Jesus was a serene man who hugged children and lambs; and Solomon rescued a baby from a kidnapper posing as its mom.  Goodness, I'm glad there is more to God and his word than that.

I like to consider the book of Jonah to be part three of the Old Testament missionary trilogy.  What is this triple threat?  I'm glad you asked...


Part I~ Amos, a country farmer from Tekoa, Judah, goes north to the big city of Bethel in Israel to preach the coming judgment from God for their waywardness.  He's best known for his 5 visions illustrating the judgment: a locust swarm, fire, a plumb line, overripe summer fruit, and God standing beside the altar.

Part II~ Obadiah... very little is known about him including when he wrote.  He's from Judah and is most likely the first writing prophet.  He warned the neighboring nation of Edom that their pride would lead to conflict and ultimately their destruction.  Fun fact~ Obadiah was a descendent of Jacob making him an Israelite.  His message was to Edom, the descendents of Esau who was Jacob's twin brother.

Part III~ Jonah was called by God to go to Nineveh, the capital of Assyria and call the people to repent because their wicked ways would bring calamity.  Jonah attempted to flea to Tarshish because the Assyrians were renowned for their cruelty and violence (speaking of fish, they used to pierce their conquered foes in their faces with large hooks to drag them into exile... bleh). 

Because these books are in order in the Old Testament, it helps me keep them straight in my memory (now about that libary PIN....).  Alright, you may be like me and believe everything in the Bible actually happened.   There are many Jonah skeptics even among Christians who think this account is a fable or some sort of fiction.  Though it may require a bit of faith to believe it is bona fide history, I have a couple of pieces of evidence that support it being true.  We know the Ninevites had a major change of heart after Jonah ministered to them.  They had been terribly violent conquerors. A generation after Jonah's visit, the Assyrians conquered Israel.  History reveals that at this time they were a gentler imperial force most likely as a result of their submission to God.

(Source)

James Bartley is our modern day Jonah.  In 1891 he survived 15 hours inside the body of a sperm whale.  It's a fraction of the time Jonah was inside his fish, but it proves it's possible.  Bartley's skin was bleached out by the whale's belly fluids.  Some have hypothesized that this is why Jonah's ministry was so effective.  The truth is, he only preached 3 days, and one singular verse encompasses his entire message (Jonah 3:4).  It obviously wasn't his dedication to the people or a flair for oration that captured the Ninevites' attention.  This foreigner's odd appearance supported by the testimony of his death defying tale on the high seas likely made him the center of attention as he made his way through the Assyrian capital.

If these don't sufficiently authenticate Jonah for you, I have one final thought to share.  For me it is the most compelling of them all.  Jesus himself spoke of Jonah as a real man.  Matthew 12:38-41 says:

Then some of the Pharisees and teachers of the law said to him, “Teacher, we want to see a sign from you.”

He answered, “A wicked and adulterous generation asks for a sign! But none will be given it except the sign of the prophet Jonah. For as Jonah was three days and three nights in the belly of a huge fish, so the Son of Man will be three days and three nights in the heart of the earth. The men of Nineveh will stand up at the judgment with this generation and condemn it; for they repented at the preaching of Jonah, and now something greater than Jonah is here..."

If Jesus was convinced Jonah was real than I don't need any other proof.  Jesus' support for the authenticity of the book of Jonah made me reflect on a larger subject.  Jonah is one of many stories in the Old Testament that gets the tall tale treatment.   David slayed an enormous Philistine with a rock.  Moses and Joshua parted large bodies of water through which the Israelites passed unharmed.  Noah and his family were the only human survivors of a worldwide extinction event.  Jonah was no Paul Bunyan and neither were David, Moses, Joshua or Noah.  All of these people were real and all of these stories are true.

As I am writing this, I am struck by something rather funny.   We modern folks hold the entirety of God's word with every sign and wonder included so that we may believe, and yet it all seems so fantastic (literal fantastic means imaginative or fanciful; remote from reality).  Particularly in regards to the Old Testament, I hear people say:  It's too far out there; it must all be an allegory or myth or parable.  This or that was meant to be symbolic.  In contrast we have this passage I just quoted from Matthew; the Pharisees demanded some supernatural sign from Jesus to prove he was the son of God.  What a funny thing that no one is ever satisfied with what God has revealed to them.

What conclusions can I draw when thinking about truth in the Old Testament?  The Old Testament isn't intended to just make our Bibles heavier when we're toting them to and fro.  It also isn't meant to be distilled into children's stories or shelved because the New Testament seems more relevant to our lives.  Rereading Jonah reminds me to take God's word seriously and believe that what his messengers~ whether king, prophet, judge, disciple, or the incarnate God~ say is true. 

Jaleel White

I don't remember too many of my birthdays distinctly, but my eighth birthday party stands out.  It's the only family party I can recall where we ate dinner out.  We met at Ryan's which delighted me beyond measure primarily because there was an all you can eat buffet and soft serve ice cream.  I'm pretty sure I only consumed dinner rolls, pepperoni, olives, and chocolate ice cream~ ah, the unsophisticated palate and free will of a child.  I felt terribly spoiled on this birthday as well because I relished the opportunity to have happy birthday sung to me and to open presents before an audience of other diners.  It made me feel important.  I think because it was such a unique event in my childhood, I have such strong memories of the gifts I received.  My most treasured present was a doll.  I'm sure all girls my age had special dolls but not like this one.  It was the greatest doll ever fabricated in the 1990s.  It was the Talking Urkel doll...

He said humorous catch phrases like "Did I do that?" and "Got any cheese?".  I played with Urkel so much that one of his suspenders broke off and his pull-string no longer made him speak.  For a season he was my favorite, but it didn't last.  The popularity of Family Matters faded, and I outgrew my toy.  My Steve Urkel doll was tossed into the old donation pile and exiled from our happy home.  Did I just give a synopsis for the Toy Story movies?  The Urkel doll & Woody bear some uncanny similarities...

Years later when I was a freshman in high school, something totally unexpected happened.  I was invited by a friend to have brunch with his family at the Ritz Carlton in Buckhead.  In my mind it was the height of elegance and by far the fanciest event of my young life.  I wanted to look my best, but I had one major problem.  I was plagued by bad vision and had to wear glasses.  Of all the deplorable enemies of femininity, prescription spectacles were the worst.  So while preparing I chose my most beautiful skirt and headband for my hair.  I selected chunky platform shoes because ladies where shoes that boost their height.  And I tucked my loathsome glasses in their case and left them on my nightstand.  After all, what if someone were to have a camera?  I didn't want to be immortalized on film at the fanciest place ever looking like a nerd.

Well, the Ritz brunch exceeded every expectation I had.  There was a chef preparing specialty omelets.  Every kind of pastry imaginable filled a beautiful table~ croissants, scones, muffins, danishes~ all glorious.  You could eat sausage, bacon, and eggs to your heart's content.  And there, at the caviar table (yes, a whole table dedicated to caviar) was Jaleel White.  Or so I was told.  Sure, I saw the figure of a young and slender black man, but he could have been anybody.  O curs'd spite!  Having left my glasses at home, I missed the possibility of seeing not only a real life celebrity, but one I had actually cherished.  Why had I not just packed my glasses in my purse?  Certainly the Steve Urkel would not have thought me a dork if I wore corrective eye wear.  I was urged by my friend to greet Jaleel White, but I felt such tremendous chagrin for not being able to see him that I was only persuaded to stroll past his table on my way to refill my plate.

While reflecting on these two Urkel anecdotes, a word kept coming into my mind.  Vanity.  It's like King Solomon was in my head reciting Ecclesiastes from his King James Bible, "Vanity of vanities; all is vanity..." (that's how he kicks off the book in chapter 1 verse 2, and yes Solomon owning a KJV is anachronistically impossible).  At two different times in my life, I was consumed with vanity.  The first I think is common for children and adults alike; we all desire to be celebrated especially by those we love.  Perhaps it was innocent enough at the time, but in my memory it is a top shelf momento.  It is my pride of special birthday nostalgia.  Maybe there is no danger in boasting about my eighth birthday. 

On the other hand, being embarrassed by wearing glasses was a silly thing.  Pretty much without exception, teenage girls are vain.  On that day it cost me something.  It could have been an episode of Family Matters (and likely was) where Steve removes his glasses to be cool but has some misadventure leading to property damage and an unhappy Carl Winslow.  I know for a fact that Stephanie Tanner struggled with glasses insecurity.  If I hadn't been so consumed with appearing a certain way, I wouldn't have missed a neat opportunity (or fibbed to many of you about how I've actually seen Jaleel White in person).

Steve giving Stephanie a pep talk about wearing glasses (Source) (VIDEO)

Stephanie Tanner & I had the same stylist~ floral dresses with lace collars and glasses

I wish at both those times in my life Solomon could have been in my head (or rather, heart) and imparted some of his wisdom.  I was too proud for my own good and attributed the good things in my life (particularly my eighth birthday party) to some inherent greatness in me.  On the other occasion, I was figuratively (and literally) blind to how shallow I was until there were consequences for my vanity.  Perhaps if I hadn't been so self involved, I could have had a little more gratitude for my family and friends treating me to nice meals and for having parents who provided glasses for me.  Who knows?  I might have even had the courage to introduce myself to Jaleel White and share with him that I always identified more with bespeckled and humble Steve than too-cool-for-school Stefan...